My brother recently posted on facebook that he had a project to do with the idea being “How Social Media Affects Something”. I decided to write a small paper regarding this because a few things immediately came to mind. Seeing as how this will not be graded I will structure it however I want, and will probably make the structuring slightly annoying on purpose just to bother people who are uptight enough to be bothered by things like that.
1) Social media seems to have an affect on certain girls’ ability to not purse their lips into a duck face when taking pictures…..before myspace/facebook/etc….(yes, commas should have been used as opposed to “slash marks” or whatever the official name is, but keep in mind that I am not being graded, and therefore do not care. Probably wouldn’t care even if I was being graded) you would very rarely see a duckface. Most pictures were taken in simply either the “smiling” or “not smiling” pose. Now, take this little test: imagine all of your female friends who have a facebook. Ok, now picture the one or two with the least self esteem. Once you have done this look at their profile pictures, and prepare to be duckfaced to death. Thanks social media!
II) That’s right. Roman numerals. Here is a positive one: It helps you to remember people’s birthdays, even if you do not give a shit. Thanks facebook, for letting me know that it is Dustin Yascavage’s birthday. I mean, we all know Dustin Yascavage is the fucking man, I am in no way denying this but what am I supposed to do with this bit of information? Write happy birthday bro with way too many exclamation points after it along with his other 800 facebook friends? No thanks.
C) I will wrap it up with this one because of my short attention span and the fact that besides numbers, letters, and roman numerals, I really cannot think another way to list something. This one is my favorite. Facebook is a great way to “anonymously” send someone a very direct message, that anyone else you are friends with can easily figure out if they are perceptive at all. Have you ever seen a status like “Hmmmm, its funny you accused me of stuff, come to find out it was you all along. Being single sounds pretty bomb right about now ;)” Fucking winky face. Anyway, lets see if we can’t decipher this impossible code…….well seeing how it references being single as a result of the before mentioned statement i am going to go out on a limb and assume this is directed at your significant other and since you are not single just yet, I will check your relationship status and see the person you are directing this towards. Now, what offense would be breakup worthy that it is likely your significant other may have accused you of? I am stumped. Couldn’t be cheating could it? Way to put it out there for the world to see, that isn’t personal business or anything. But you are justified in your actions because “you didn’t use his name or say what he did”. On the flipside of this, if the asshole cheated on you and you want to get him/her back by outing him/her to the world then actually do it and do not try to imply things so you still come as classy.
One more example: The sympathy status. “Nothing I ever do is enough, giving up, peace out facebook”….or how about “So done with this life….” obviously imploring people to dig a little deeper and find out what is wrong with you. How about I save you all the trouble, they need attention, have no friends, and want you to feel sorry for them. My advice is to comment on the status and re-iterate what they said. That way they get the attention they so desperately crave, as well as validation of what they said(and who can get mad at you for agreeing with them?)and maybe, just maybe if we are all lucky and enough people re-iterate the fact that yes they are pathetic, and they should in fact stop trying because it is all in vain anyway, then they will take the appropriate action to ensure we never have to have another one of their sympathy statuses pop up in our newsfeed again…..and by appropriate action I may or may not be referring to suicide…….
The Way of The Man 